i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
