ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
