I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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