Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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