Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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