He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
