i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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