I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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