I just saw a hot homeless man
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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