You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
