My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
