so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
