Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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