he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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