I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
