just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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