Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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