I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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