i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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