You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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