Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
