I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
