yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
