You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
