He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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