This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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