I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
