cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
