I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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