I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it glows. i had to have it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
