i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
