You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
