so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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