I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
