you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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