Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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