Your dad touched me again.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
