You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
