Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
