Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
