Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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