Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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