The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
