quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
