Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
