I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I touched a dick in church today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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