We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
