standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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