oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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