I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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