Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
