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Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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