shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
