Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
