she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
