I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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