i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
