dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize