evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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