the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
