I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
