Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
