Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
