I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
