i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
