Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize