u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
