so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I still have a little drunk in my system
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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