Having a random hookup so left but love u
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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