going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
