What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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