Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
