Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
