I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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