I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
