they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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