Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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