I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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