Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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