so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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