You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
