Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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