You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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