My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
