I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
