why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
