the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
