after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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